If we didn't make money, would we still be valued? -Updated

A very bright, well qualified and experienced colleague quit her job and while leaving she said, "I hope my husband supports me in every way and takes care of me". Her words really rang a bell and all of us women were suddenly plagued by that thought. What if we quit our job and made no money, will we still lead the life we lead now? Will the quality of our lifestyle suffer? Will we be treated any differently or looked at in a different way?As women these are important thoughts/fears for us...and of course none of us girls had any definite answers!


Thanks to our good education, we have cushy jobs and make good money. We can buy almost anything within our reach and catches our fancy. Most of us do not depend on our husbands to finance our needs. We are independent women, taking several decisions. We are equal providers and care takers in the house and family. Today working women are on an equal footing in terms of finance with the husbands...But what if tomorrow the equation gets lop sided?


Today, I pay hefty EMIs for the house and my car. I buy new clothes, shoes, bags, cosmetics whenever I want to. I make my own investments. I buy my own tickets to fly back to my mom's place as and when I wish to. I can buy expensive gifts for my husband on special occasions. I can help my family if the need arise. Basically, the possibilities that come with financial freedom are many and to think if all this came to end one day, where would that leave us?


Would our husbands feel the pinch and crib about it? Will they start shouldering all the responsibilities that we earlier shared? Would they happily take over our EMIs? Would we still be able to shop and will all our needs be taken care of happily? Will we still get the same security, love, and affection without any nagging and arguing? Above all, will we be respected and valued as partners. Again, the questions are many and most of us just wonder what it would be like to be on the other side and how we would make that transition.


I believe that a good education, career, and financial freedom should be prime for all women. Believe me, marriage and family can wait! There are too many sad stories out there where women are mistreated by husbands and in laws and such women have nothing to fall back on and often end up at the mercy of the husband and his family. (TBG shared some real life stories of women who are going through very difficult times- 1 and 2).

Girls, all of us need jobs and need to be financially independent and save for any calamity. Life is unpredictable and the best placed people can face severe odds. We all need to be respected and valued for who we are. Sadly, money has become the most important factor based on which society values and gives importance to people. But, so be it...we have to beat the system and come out with our heads held high up!

Begaani shaadi mein abdullah deewana

The shaadi of the season - Sania Mirza

This seems to be the hottest and most controversial topic in the last few days. I fail to understand why. Kisi ki shaadi and hum sab ki pareshani! Completely baffles me...anyway read on.

Shiv Sena says they have major objections to this marriage (Me: yea? why? who are you? Are we supposed to bother about what you think? This moral brigade should anyway be banned! They terrorize me no end)


A Hyderabad MP says he is not going to allow this marriage and will not give the Hyderabad ki beti to Pakistan (Me: Who do you think you are? Do you know this is a free country? Are we even supposed to ask you before we go to pee)


News Channels are busy gossiping about Sania's and Shoaib's past! (Me: Are you guys even serious about journalism? Do you even know what it is? Let the poor girl marry or not marry whoever! Get a life and stop repeating Sania ki 5 sautaney wala program)

Read some of these comments posted on message boards:

Marriage to a Paki means betraying INDIA. (Me: And marrying an American, a Brit, and Australian? What does nationality have to do with love? My friend, when it comes to love, it does not see religion, region, country, skin color, language...And why should anybody give up their love or well thought out life for your whims and fancies?)
 
She is marrying a person from a terrorist land. There are so many Muslims in India too, she could have chosen them. (Me: Why only Indian Muslim? She could have married anybody? It is her choice! This is a free country and does not work on your fancies and morals.)

Sania, why the hell you have to marry that Paki Punjabi Langoor? I am sure there are enough qualified Indian young man suitable for you. (Me: Well she likes Langoor...you have a problem with that? and what do you do? Run a marriage bureau?)

Indians should realize these type of Muslims are agents for Pakistan. Many muslims like Sania mirza family are having soft corner for pak. (Me: Muslims are as Indian as you or anybody else in this country. They are not going to prove their love and loyalty for the country to you! And marrying somebody does not mean you have a soft corner for his/her country/region/caste/religion..whatever. And by the way, whose agent are you?)

If an educated Muslim girl from India is ready to go into the arms of a Pakistani...it shows that she loves her religion...and does not care about India. It is a huge security risk for India.We can imagine the mind set of millions of uneducated Muslims in India. (Me: 1. She isn't going into the arms of Pakistan..only Shoaib's...why is your ass burning? 2. There is nothing wrong in loving ones religion. We are a secular country ! 3. Thank god, such useless people like you are not defining/guiding Indian security. 4. And since Education is a fundamental right from today - Its the right time you get yourself some education!)


I am really surprised at this kind of sentiment and mentality. I mean we are a free secular country. Why is there such an uproar. Is there a law that says an Indian cannot marry a national of a country with which India doesn't have good political relations with? I just dont get it? What if Shoaib Malik was an Australian, American, Chinese, XYZ?  Who she marries, this guy or another, or doesn't marry at all or divorces 5 times...it is her business and life. Who cares man!
 

I am concerned about the growing strength and influence of the moral brigade in this country. It is impinging on our rights. And more often than not women are in their shooting range! Today it is Sania, tomorrow it will be you and me who will be questioned on our moves and every decision. 

Who we marry, love, live with or what we wear is only our business! Meri marzi, meri life....will do what i have to and want to! Go jump in a well if you don't like it!

Of sundar kanyas and old haggard men

Overheard in office - a group of guys chatting over coffee:
Guy 1: Yaar, what cream do you use?
Guy 2: Koi nahi, any moisturizer.
Guy 3: I steal some from my wife. She uses ponds mosturiser and raat mein anti ageing cream lagati hai
Guy 1: Abey! wo ladkiyon ki cream hai.
Guy 3: Who cares! Nobody makes anything for us poor men!
Guy 2: Haan yaar, ki farak painda hai...humko bhi to young dikhna hai.


(I was almost bursting by this time...trying really hard not to make it obvious. I walked away trying to hide my amusement.)


In the night I was telling T about this and he said - you know, come to think of it...those guys were correct. Nobody thinks about us 'bechara' men. Anti ageing creams are all targeted for women, the fairness creams are again being sold to women. All the masks and peels in the stores are all for women. And then declared - Maria im using all your stuff from now on. And i was like - What the heck!! And was staring at him - ye bhi shuru!! Allah hi reham, maula hi reham :)

And he was correct...going by the ads on TV - Oil of Olay is targeted for women who can't ever stop talking about the deadly 7 signs...as if without that cream we would be the ugliest walking talking ducks around and people would die of heart attacks seeing us. Ponds age miracle talks about how the husband falls in love with his wife coz she is using the damn cream (huh! only if love was so easy). Fair and lovely makes the girl a beauty queen and a winner (damn these fairness creams)! The industry hasn't even speared the soap - Dove - scores of women how good it is and how feminine it makes them feel using Dove!! (Whaaatt!! Huh!!! feminine? Guys, this one is seriously  not for you..don't even try)


Actually, if you have observed when you enter a store - lets say Westside or Shoppers Stop. What do you see first? 9 out of 10 times, its gonna be women clothing and accessories, make up, perfumes, and jewelery. Its like the grand store is just for us :) and the men's section is tucked away in some dark small corner or on the 1st floor of the store.Its like an after thought..and they have fewer trial rooms too :) (Guys, yes im poking fun at you!). Similary, beauty salons - the bigger ones do cater to men...but again in a much more limited way. Guys you are still away from the more fancy treatments,  facials, and manicures. We rule here too!


So what we learnt today - Women are the ones who need to be the gori sundaris and the men can sit on that couch and stink and fart while watching TV ;-D
 

OK, I received this in mail...it is education and important. Open it up and read it. 

And guys, don't loose heart, this one product is especially for you...take it away..all yours :)

I'm a big girl...I can change tyres!

Yes, yes, yes! I can change tyres. Thanks to my 2 buddies from work, I finally learnt to do that job (Guys, that lunch i promised is soon coming your way). Im so kicked, not many women know how to do that stuff...im so proud!! I can now picture myself changing a flat tyre next time im stuck on the road. Cool na!
This has to be the single achievement I made in the last many many weeks...im not going anywhere at work, so good for me this came along :)

I had a flat tyre and somehow I just didnt realise and i had been driving around with that flat tyre for the last 2 days! yea, imagine! The security guard at the office parking lot told me, madam aapka do din se tyre phissss hai...and i was like - really!!?? The drivers standing there had a good laugh...they too had been watchign me for the last 2 days...flat tyre wali madam aa gayi!!! Duh! how stupid! I felt like an ass, standing there, staring unbelievably at the flat tyre!! how could I not notice it! I will think mayb tubeless tyres makes life easy. Who knows.

Anyway, P & R from office helped unscrew, fix the jack, put the bolts in place...and all the good stuff...and i followed them carefully and tried my hand at the job. Boy! I hadn't given that much attention to anything...yea Ranbir Kapoor is a different story..that guy is going places i tell you. Ok, thats a different story...forget that bit!

Ok, so im gonna brag about this endlessly with all details to any and every ear that comes in my line of sight! Consider yourself warned friends!

This pic from world war 2 is so cool!

C'mon boys, grow up!

There is this reality show on Star - Perfect Bride, where eligible bachelors along with their moms are on the show choosing the perfect bride for themselves. I just happened to see 2 episodes and what a shame!

We have the mama's boys with their dominating moms who are the ones deciding their bahus and the qualities that their bahu should have...and of course our so eligible hot bachelors are all like - mumma ki pasand meri pasand...mumma ne bola hai toh wahi mera bhi kehna! Gosh! when are our Indian boys gonna grow up! Dude! wake up!! You are the one who has to marry...your moms have had their days. Get yourself a life and a spine to start with! And come to think of it, you must be such loosers that you ended up on a TV show to catch a bride for yourself, all certified and stamped by your moms! Anyway..good luck! (Many of us, specially the men may say- whats wrong with that! I say Ok, nothing...go ahead :)

Now, im so confused, what exactly is the Indian male looking for in a girl today? (well, not all of you out there..but there are quite a few specimens).  I can understand the guys, who are clear in their head- all they want is only a perfect housekeeper to help their moms at home and raise kids. Nothing more...great! good for you and pity the girl, unless of course this is her choice also and this what she wanted.

But, surprisingly a lot of educated young men say they want an educated, professional, independent, beautiful, homely, adjusting, and caring girl! (Did i also hear convent educated?..Duh!) Now, these are the guys who seriously leave me confused, really confused! So, what creature are these guys looking for? Homosapien? Woman? Superwoman? Jadoo? Hmm..escapes me...

At the end of the day this variety of men are looking girls who will listen to their moms and say haanjee mummmyji, raise the kids, look after the home, cook delicious food, adjust with every tom, dick, and harry, and work outside, and be selfless, and give in to him and his family! Dude!! what are you thinking?? Did you ever think, that women might have a mind and a heart of their own and may not give in to you and your families way of life and thoughts and demands? Did you ever think she might not be interested in the kitchen or socialising with your relatives, because she might be too tired after her long day at work? Did you realise she was human like you? Did you ever think you might be killing her dreams and desires by burdening her with your and your families expectations? Did you ever think you are expecting too much?

Today, many of us teach our daughters to be strong, independent, and make their own choices and decisions in life. So, isn't it natural that when she gets married she will want to have her own seperate home with her husband, run it the way she wants to, live life how she has desired to, take small and big decisions for her home? Why do we forget that women might not like to be burdened with expectations, or might not like joint families, which is already disintegrating very fast. Many free thinking women who chart their own lives, set up nuclear households, take their own decisions, sometimes face family issues and criticism. Now, how sad is that. Isn't this opposite of what we taught them- to be independent? Are we not killing their dreams and right to live happily.

All that women are looking for is just a chance to live their lives and dreams in their own way...to live in peace and love and be loved. Let us not forget there is nothing wrong in a woman demanding the right to lead her life the way she wants to and decide what she wants to do. Indian men, its you turn to wake up and smell the coffee. Women are going way ahead and you need to do some catching up. Get real and decide on what you really want. Usually you can get this or that type or some bit of this and some bit of that...but you cant have it all. Looking for a perfect bride, then just leave it to your mom :) but, if little imperfect would do, that might just make your life happier and complete, then go out and find one for yourself. You will not regret it :)

Got this in my email :)

Sometimes u gotta stand up & do what is right

So, what right did i do today? hmmm...ive got thinking to do on that one...as simple a question it may seem, it might be a difficult one for some of us.

There is a brave and coward inside each one of us. And there is a constant dialogue that goes on between them and one wins. So when does the brave me win and muster up enough courage to do the right thing at the right time? Maybe some of these are truly brave-

The person who is determined to stand up for what he/she thinks is right and can speak his/her mind out.
The person who starts life from scratch, when all is lost. Think of all the war widows and how they put together their torn lives.
The person fighting cancer and not letting the pain and agony show up on his/her face and carry on with life like any other day. Read what being brave and will power can do http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-evening-chronicle/2009/08/10/brave-cancer-sufferer-to-raise-cash-for-charity-72703-24361469/
A journalist reporting from war torn Iraq beacuse he/she believes in the power of truth and making people aware of reality.
What about women in Afghanistan and Iran..aren't they brave enough to bear what they are today bearing or are they cowards to bear what they are bearing. (read this interesting bit - http://www.global-sisterhood-network.org/content/view/2191/59/).
The NYC Firemen who were going up the WTC stairs to save lives while everybody else was rushing down. Well, back home our NSG commandos, who did an incrediable job during the Mumbai Taj attack. Now, they are all truly men of honor.
The soldiers who bid goodbye to their wives and children and go to the border, knowing they might never see their families again.
The girl who says no to a marriage in exchange of a fat dowry, specially relevant to our Indian social system where marrige is the cornerstone of a girl's life. I salute all those women who have raised their voice aginst this evil system and have gone against the stiff social norms and rules.
The spouse who stands up against his/her abusive partner and fights the system with or without help.
All rape victims who to start with come forward to lodge police complaints and fight for their dignity and honor.
Or maybe something as simple as to speak the truth.

Yes, we all need to get up each day and do the right thing and be brave coz one who is brave is truly free!