Sunday, May 16, 2010

If we didn't make money, would we still be valued? -Updated

A very bright, well qualified and experienced colleague quit her job and while leaving she said, "I hope my husband supports me in every way and takes care of me". Her words really rang a bell and all of us women were suddenly plagued by that thought. What if we quit our job and made no money, will we still lead the life we lead now? Will the quality of our lifestyle suffer? Will we be treated any differently or looked at in a different way?As women these are important thoughts/fears for us...and of course none of us girls had any definite answers!

Thanks to our good education, we have cushy jobs and make good money. We can buy almost anything within our reach and catches our fancy. Most of us do not depend on our husbands to finance our needs. We are independent women, taking several decisions. We are equal providers and care takers in the house and family. Today working women are on an equal footing in terms of finance with the husbands...But what if tomorrow the equation gets lop sided?

Today, I pay hefty EMIs for the house and my car. I buy new clothes, shoes, bags, cosmetics whenever I want to. I make my own investments. I buy my own tickets to fly back to my mom's place as and when I wish to. I can buy expensive gifts for my husband on special occasions. I can help my family if the need arise. Basically, the possibilities that come with financial freedom are many and to think if all this came to end one day, where would that leave us?

Would our husbands feel the pinch and crib about it? Will they start shouldering all the responsibilities that we earlier shared? Would they happily take over our EMIs? Would we still be able to shop and will all our needs be taken care of happily? Will we still get the same security, love, and affection without any nagging and arguing? Above all, will we be respected and valued as partners. Again, the questions are many and most of us just wonder what it would be like to be on the other side and how we would make that transition.

I believe that a good education, career, and financial freedom should be prime for all women. Believe me, marriage and family can wait! There are too many sad stories out there where women are mistreated by husbands and in laws and such women have nothing to fall back on and often end up at the mercy of the husband and his family. (TBG shared some real life stories of women who are going through very difficult times- 1 and 2).

Girls, all of us need jobs and need to be financially independent and save for any calamity. Life is unpredictable and the best placed people can face severe odds. We all need to be respected and valued for who we are. Sadly, money has become the most important factor based on which society values and gives importance to people. But, so be it...we have to beat the system and come out with our heads held high up!


  1. A very thought provoking post Maria. Makes even me sit down and think what I would deem correct to type here.

    Thanks for sharing this.

  2. Education for the girl child is a very important issue and we all must come together and do our little bit.

    And not just education, the said education must convert into a career too.

  3. The education system itself should be reformed. A simple BA & then getting married the next day u graduate does not help your case too much! Girls need to be aware of career options be told that marriage can wait. Parents need to cooperate & understand the needs of the modern society & that women today are mostly on their own!

    Gone are the days when you got married with the expectation that the hubby was your passport to financial bliss.

  4. My darling makes way more than I do. I tell her a thousand times the day her package goes above that one figure we agreed on, I'll retire and happily spend her money shopping with my girlfriends! Hee Hee!

  5. TBG, u and the all the other guys come out of your dream and slog ur ass for us women :)

    My hubby pings me everyday that he wants to turn into a house husband and udao my money. Hes planned his whole day as a house husband..which starts with gym, swiming, movies, music, gfs and ends with me coming home and taking him out for dinner!! Beat that! he wants to live my dream life!!

  6. Hello

    You wrote:

    What if we quit our job and made no money, will we still lead the life we lead now? Will the quality of our lifestyle suffer?

    It all depends on your lifestyle....ask urself this....can u be happy with LESS?yes or no?
    Can u visit your mom in AC trains instead of airplanes??Yes or no?
    Or if you want to maintain a high standard of living then you have no other option but working hard along with ur hubby.

    The key is what makes u happy. Some are happy with less.....some are not happy with more.

    Take care.

  7. @Indian Pundit- yea i know what ur talking about. Has crossed my mind and a balance needs to be struck!
    I do realize that times have changed, expenses r high and inflation at a high too...and its best when both partners work and support each other and the family.
    I guess women who have not been working outside the home would not have these thoughts, but for career women who r balancing both the home and job, these are valid thoughts, if once source of income would suddenly stop!

    I was on your blog, trying to see the hindi songs with english subtitles..should b very funny :) Some streaming issues...will try again

  8. Pertinent point! Every year, I am getting closer to retirement. As such, I have two kids in freakingly expensive higher education courses - they have yet to start working and contributing. It gives me an upper hand as decision making authority. Would I miss it? I dont know - but dream of the time when I can udao their earnings and just laze around. Wonder if such utopia exists!

  9. Wow! Very relevant point.

    For someone whose already earning and supporting herself, I think it becomes difficult for her to live a supported life. The effect of independence is intoxicating. So I think women who are independent, should try and remain that way. Even if they get supportive husbands, what if he cannot afford it? That would really suck. First, she has to quit. Second, he cannot afford to give her what she would have normally bought.

    Tricky situation. I would say every women should try and be independent. Something that is there today, may not be there tomorrow. Including husbands and family.

  10. Masood, yup its tricky! would be difficult to accept if for some reason one was left jobless & salary less & started depending on the partner. It would take time to make the transition and set new expectations for both.

    And this would works both ways. Men would also face issues if they were left jobless and started depending for everything on their wives.

    And coz life is unpredictable, whether the woman is working or not...she should have some skill/qualification on which she can bank on if needed to support herself and her family.

  11. @PhoenixRitu - First lemme say I love reading your blog :)
    and by reading ur blog, I can say ur quite a super mom and you and the kids will rock and make it all work fine all the time!

  12. Maria,

    Absolutely present day situation. It is impertive that girls get education to make them self reliant. In today's world it is not just the male who has to be the one to shoulder all responsibilites but his partner is equally important if they wish to move ahead in life. They have to be together in all ways. However love or respect should not depend on this factor. That should be totally as per individual traits. It is not only husband and wife but every member of the family has to shoulder whatever responsibilities they can to have better life. Good and timely post.

    Take care

  13. I completely agree with your post maria. In today's time financial independence is like a boon to women. This is a power full weapon for them to not to be dependent on their husbands. But still cases are seen where a financially independent woman living a terrible married life. Suffering from all the bullshit from her husband and husband's family. So with the financial independence i also would suggest them to be educated not just literate and play an equal role in family and society.

  14. I think all woman should read your post...its really the reality these independence is very important for every individual and espicially for woman...marrige should not mean that woman can't be financially independent...although financial independence dosnt ensure happiness but at the same time itensures respect and thats very important to lead a happy life....nice post..

  15. financial independence dosn't ensure hapiness but what it ensures is respect from others and that is very imortant to lead a happy life....every woman should read ur post....very nicely written.

  16. Agree ! In condition though . Every women of today is well off. Education,job ,confidence and the likes.But this is an individual . When one gets married,balancing occurs.People see themself as "couple" / "team" . And this means decisions are taken in "together" . And "trust" shared by all. Nice share,though.

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